The Optimism Advantage: Why It's Your Most Powerful Parenting Tool

True optimism isn't about toxic positivity—it's about building resilience and showing our children how to face life's challenges with hope.

In our YouTube series "Needed Conversations," we recently sat down with Dr. Deepika Chopra, known as the Optimism Doctor™, to discuss the science of optimism and resilience in parenting. These timely insights from our conversation with Dr. Chopra reveal why cultivating optimism might be the most valuable skill in your parenting toolkit, especially during challenging times.

When the devastating Los Angeles wildfires swept through neighborhoods last year, parents found themselves navigating not just the loss of homes and possessions but also the delicate task of helping their children process trauma. For Julie Sawaya, co-founder of Needed who lost her home in the fires, it was her children who ultimately became her source of hope.

"The kids bring me optimism," she shared during our Needed Conversations interview with Dr. Chopra. "They make me feel hopeful. We can't dwell too much on what we lost because we have them."

But what exactly is optimism when it comes to parenting? According to Dr. Chopra, it's probably not what you think.

Redefining Optimism

Forget "good vibes only" and toxic positivity. Real optimism, as Dr. Chopra explains, isn't about ignoring difficulties or maintaining perpetual happiness. "Optimism is probably one of the more misunderstood concepts," says Dr. Chopra. "Most people are surprised to hear that the Optimism Doctor is saying that positivity is probably like word three, four, five on my list."

For Dr. Chopra, the first two words that define optimism are actually "resiliency" and "curiosity." True optimism means acknowledging life's challenges while viewing setbacks as temporary obstacles you can overcome—even when you don't know how or when that will happen. This reframing is crucial for parents. We're not teaching our children to ignore pain or difficulty; we're showing them how to move through it with the belief that things will get better.

Why Parents Need Optimism More Than Ever

Parenting in 2025 brings unique challenges. We're constantly in fight-or-flight mode—something our ancestors might have experienced once every few days, but that we feel "minute to minute, constantly," as Dr. Chopra notes.

Add the responsibility of guiding small humans through their own emotional landscapes, and it's no wonder parents feel overwhelmed. But research suggests optimism is a learnable skill, up to 75-80% of it comes from practice rather than genetics.

"We cultivate and build our optimism through struggle and through community and resiliency," explains Dr. Chopra. "We don't necessarily build our optimism through 24-7 bliss, which, by the way, doesn't exist."

Optimism as a Parenting Muscle

Think of optimism as a muscle you can strengthen—and one worth developing. Here's why it matters:

1. Children learn emotional processing from you

When Dr. Chopra's four-year-old son began crying about not seeing his home again after the fires, it revealed something profound: children need space to process their emotions, not have them fixed.

"When we're in it with our kids, with their emotions, [remember] that they are not asking us to fix their emotions or to necessarily come up with a solution to make them happy," says Dr. Chopra. "What they need is like a safe space to just process."

By demonstrating optimistic resilience—acknowledging difficulty while maintaining hope—we teach our children this essential skill by example.

2. It builds children's natural resilience

Children are naturally optimistic, often because they have less life experience to jade them. Our job isn't to protect them from all struggle but to help them develop tools to move through challenges.

Dr. Chopra shares a powerful story about her seven-year-old son: "My eldest son said something to me a little while back...he said, 'Mom, like the last couple of weeks, my body has been telling me to cry, but my mind keeps telling me like, no, you don't have to cry because this is not going to always be the same way.'" While part of her wanted to shield him from any discomfort, she recognized his developing resilience as something to celebrate.

3. It helps you navigate uncertainty

Parenthood is unpredictable. From fertility journeys to childhood illnesses to natural disasters, we face circumstances beyond our control. An optimistic mindset—acknowledging reality while maintaining hope—enables us to guide our families through uncertainty with grace.

Building Your Optimism Practice

Dr. Chopra offers practical tools for cultivating optimism as a parent:

Create a joy list

In your phone's notes app, record moments that bring you joy. When you're struggling or have an unexpected free moment, consult your list for a quick mood boost.

Practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique

Breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, and exhale for eight. This science-backed technique calms your nervous system and serves as an emotional reset button.

Play "adult I-spy"

When worry spirals take over, set a timer for 30-60 seconds and simply name objects you see around you. This mindful practice occupies just enough attention to prevent rumination.

Learn from your children's presence

Children naturally live in the moment—join them there. When you're fully present with your kids, you crowd out worry and anxiety about the future.

The Hope Ahead

Perhaps most reassuring is knowing that our challenges today are building the optimism muscles we and our children will rely on tomorrow.

"We're talking about our feelings. We're talking about mental health. We are investing in proactive mental health, like optimism, the tools before things get bad, not just as a result or reaction," says Dr. Chopra. "That gives me so much hope."

In a world filled with unpredictability, teaching our children—and ourselves—that setbacks are temporary and challenges can be overcome may be the greatest gift we can give. And that's something truly worth being optimistic about.

To learn more, watch the full conversation here or head over to the Optimism Dr's Site